two cents

when i was perhaps four, my mum found a strand of white hair on my head. i tried to rationalize it and said, "its because i think too much."

during my formative years in sc dance, i remember mrs chan said to me, there's nothing wrong with being a perfectionist. her statement implied to me that being perfectionistic has negative connotations and i thought, why would there be something wrong with wanting to be good at whatever you do?

i find myself being very cautious of what impressions people have of me. no doubt it's important to be confident of yourself and to not let comments by others affect you, but i feel, no man is an island and alot of who you are is made up of how others perceive you.

if you live by your own set of rules, and if those rules aren't aligned with that of society's, then your rules don't apply. for example, if you think dressing skimpy is a non-issue because it is your own body you are exposing and you have the right to wear what you wish, but society feels you are imposing on others, should you continue to do as you will? however, if all of society indulges in thievery and prostitution, does that make such "ills" acceptable?

i fear that the people around me smile at me and throw daggers behind my back. i fear that people speak ill of me when im not around and say sweet nothings to my face. i'd rather people be direct with me and honest to me about my faults, because to me it shows that they care enough to let me know my weaknesses.

i think being perfectionistic can be debilitating.

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im not quite sure where i meant for this to go. i thought i had a point to make. my mind is somewhat of a tangled mess, but i'd better not try too hard to sort it out, less i find more than a strand of white hair.